I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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