My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
