we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
