It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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