I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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