I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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