she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were trust falling into bushes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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