I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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