i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
