He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
