the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
