I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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