I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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