no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
