Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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