Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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