life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
