I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
