have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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