we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
