But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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