I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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