Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
