I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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