I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
