Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize