i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
