It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
