I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize