I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
