hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
