he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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