Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
