So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
BRING THE BAGELS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
