she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila