guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds