Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.