Need sex. Gaining weight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter