first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.