I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.