there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I deserve this hangover.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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