Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
