so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
