a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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