Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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