I wannas sexs uuuuu
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
