I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
