I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
