Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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