She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
