Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
