u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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