i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
