Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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