They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
