I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
