I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
