We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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