i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
