What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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