matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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