im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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